This concept is taken from a workshop I recently delivered that focused on boundaries. One of the attendee’s asked: “Irwin, I am sick and tired of the men I seem to attract in my life and of the subsequent tempestuous relationships that follow. Why does this keep on happening?”
My response was: “Do you have a stand, what do you stand for?” Her reaction was as if I’d just spoken in a foreign language, which unfortunately wasn’t a surprise as this is a response I get from most people. I say unfortunately because of the fact that if more people stood for something in any or all of their relationships be they business, platonic or romantic they would not have to suffer emotionally, mentally and physically as many do.
The help and advice I gave to the attendee and the rest of the group was that before you embark on another relationship first ask yourself these simple questions:
- What am I no longer prepared to put up with in a new relationship?
- What type of person do I want to meet and what positive characteristics do I want them to have?
- If I am expecting them to be of a certain positive character then am I that person myself?
- Do I need to work on myself with the right support and knowledge to become the person I want to meet? The reality being that we assemble with those with whom we resemble?
The attendee at first had a hard time in believing that she in some way resembled the negative men she attracted. However once we dug deeper she did recognise traits in herself that mirrored the men she met, such as having no boundaries. By focusing on these simple questions and sticking to them no matter what, will save her a huge amount of emotional grief and trauma in her life as well as making her feel positively empowered.
If you are finding that you are falling for anything because you don’t stand for something then seek some advice and guidance by contacting us at Irwin Edgehill Training. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org or call 07842 435921.