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Are you asleep dreaming that you are awake

Are you asleep dreaming that you are awake?

Are you asleep dreaming that you are awake? Confused? Well this was a question I asked at one of my recent Life Coaching workshops.  It’s fair to say most of the group looked rather perplexed at first.  But soon they all grasped its true meaning. Unfortunately the only time you can realise you were asleep, dreaming that you are awake, is whenever there is a regret of some kind.

As I look back on my own past mistakes to help make this point. Not in resentment, frustration, anger or bitterness, but in awareness. I have to say those mistakes were made whilst I was asleep dreaming that I was awake.  For example have you ever:

  • Been in a relationship. Be it business, platonic or romantic and when it came to an end reflected on why you got in involved with that person or situation in the first place?
  •  Angrily or sarcastically belittled someone only to regret it later?
  • Joined a group or signed up for a course that never gave you what it promised?
  • Been on holiday thinking that it would relieve your stress and anxiety but it didn’t?
  • Left a job thinking that the job and the people were the problem. Only to find another job and find the same problem….you?   

Stay consciously awake

If we want to make decisions be it in a business, platonic, health or romantic situation. Want the best outcomes from those decisions. We have to understand the concept of staying consciously awake to our thoughts and feelings in any given moment. And then do the right thing as a result.

Work on your emotions

The key is to work on your emotions harder than you work on anything else.  You’ll then be in total  control of everything. Your stresses and anxieties will be a thing of the past.  How’s that for a cheery thought?  

If you are finding it difficult to stay emotionally awake. As a result feeling stressed and depressed more and more often, then contact Irwin Edgehill training via Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.  Let us help.

Are you being assertive in the right way?

Another empowering workshop completed.  This time we were sharing the incredible benefits of being assertive in the right way. In this session we gave attendees tools and techniques to enhance their assertiveness.  Using ‘I’ in statements along with naming their feelings in a given situation, be it negative or positive.

Using ‘I’ not ‘You’ when starting sentences

By starting your sentence with I feel sad, I feel glad, I feel irritated etc puts the onus on you as these are your feelings not the person you are talking to.  You’re not backing the other person into a corner as is often the case when we start our sentence with ‘you’ make me sad etc. Followed by describing the other persons behaviour to them and what you would like them to do.

One of the many examples we worked on was: I feel really irritated when we set a rota to take it in turns to do the dishes. But when it’s your turn you don’t do it. And I’d like you to do your agreed share. The key then is to remain quiet and wait for the other person’s response as they have a right to reply.

Listening and acknowledge others

If the other person starts their sentence with a ‘yes but no but’ which is often the case, you simply need to listen and acknowledge them. Then repeat exactly what you initially said. This is called the Broken Record Technique, another crucial tool for assertiveness.

Eliminating potential arguments

By using ‘I’ statements we eventually if not instantly eliminate any potential argument. Reducing any need to get stressed, irritated and depressed as is often the case when not being listened to.

Interested in attending some of our other workshops? Then contact Irwin Edgehill Training to find out more via Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.

Where there is NO WILL, there will be NO WIN!

Fed up in your job and looking to do something different?  Got that big business idea which you want to turn into reality? Have you already  started out on your own but it’s not quite working out? Do you have the WILL to WIN?

WILL you do the things today that WILL get your career or your business where you want to be tomorrow, next month, next year and the years’ after that? Have you got the right help in place to ensure you get there?  Unfortunately, if you haven’t got the WILL you will never WIN. You will never achieve the things you want to achieve. 

Sadly, many people use WILL the wrong way which is the main reason they don’t and won’t WIN any of the above.  This makes them feel depressed, stressed, anxious and lacking in confidence. I say ‘sadly’ because in my own experience of working on myself and in turn helping others to do the same, it doesn’t have to be this way.  If you use WILL in the way it is intended, you WILL positively win.

If you are currently saying to yourself any of the following, then STOP!

  • I WILL never get that dream job
  • I WILL never get that promotion
  • I WILL never launch my business
  • I WILL never get any clients
  • I WILL never make my business a success

So, all you need is WILL!  The question is how can you get it?  Who can you call on to get the help and support you need? Well look no further than Irwin Edgehill Training. Let us help you WILL yourself to success.  Contact us via Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921 to begin the journey.

Are you ready for your High Noon?

Have you ever seen the film ‘High Noon’ Starring Gary Cooper and Grace Kelly?

In High Noon the former marshal Will Kane (Gary Cooper) is preparing to leave the small town of Hadleyville, New Mexico, with his new bride, Amy (Grace Kelly), when he learns that local criminal Frank Miller has been set free and is coming to seek revenge on the marshal who turned him in. When he starts recruiting deputies to fight Miller, Kane is discouraged to find that the people of Hadleyville turn cowardly when the time comes for a showdown, and he must face Miller and his cronies alone.

Put yourself in Will Kane’s place. Everyone around him with whom he thought he could depend and rely on deserted him.  His deputies all gave feeble excuses as to why they couldn’t help. Even his own wife threatened to leave him if he didn’t run and hide like the others in the next town for fear of Frank Miller and his gang.  Just try to think of all the emotions that must have been going through his entire body:

  • Fear for his own life
  • Frustration at his deputies and friends lack of belief and trust in him
  • Sadness that his wife was ready to turn her back on him and the lack of belief she had in him

All of this must have set off a mass of confusion and self doubt within himself.  Was he doing the right thing of staying to face Miller as the clock ticks towards noon when the train is due in?

Now put this scenario into the context of your own life:​

  • Are you willing to keep walking forward on your own even when others doubt you?  
  • Are you willing to stand alone for what you believe in even when others don’t appear to believe in you or what you are trying to achieve? 
  • Have you got the mental and emotional strength, burning desire and persistence needed in order to stay true to your own convictions?

When it comes to your ‘High Noon’ you too will most likely have to go it alone at some point on your journey.  If you really want to live the life you imagine then you’ll need to deal with the doubt of those you thought would stand with you.  You may also need to overcome your own self doubt, stress, anxiety, depression and lack of confidence.

Are you prepared for that?  Do you have the right help in place? If not contact Irwin Edgehill Training and let us stand with you all the way on your own ‘High Noon’.  Contact us via Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.

Combating negativity workshop

Another week and another successful workshop.  This latest session run for BCHA centred around an individual’s negative beliefs and negative self talk.  Many people suffer from this needlessly with the result being that we become what we think about most of the time. 

This half day workshop helped participants to begin to think about approaches to combating negativity. They were introduced to and given various tools and techniques such as making a note of every negative thought that went through their mind to begin to address the situation.  This is vital evidence of the amount of negative thoughts that come into our minds on a daily basis.  Unless we are conscious of them then they will ultimately control us for the worse. 

Interested in attending some of our other workshops? Then contact Irwin Edgehill Training to find out more via Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921. 

There really is a cure for your workplace stress

How are you feeling? How is your morale? Is it low and impacting on your productivity and creativity? Then it’s quite likely that you are suffering from the impact of work place stress.

Having worked with a wide range of individuals at many levels of organisations who have dealt with the negative effects of workplace stress, it’s a fact that those who recognise and address this increasingly common affliction get the most out of their working lives.

In a recent labour force survey it was stated that:
Staff take an average of 12 sick days a year, also 60- to 80% of primary care doctor visits are related to stress, yet only 3% of patients receive stress management help (JAMA Intern Med. 2013; 173(1): 76-77).
• The American Psychological report stated that 42 % of Americans report lying awake at night due to stress.


So where do you begin?

• Firstly and most importantly recognise that your emotional wellbeing is key to increasing productivity and creativity.
• Acknowledge that wellbeing doesn’t mean treating yourself to a cake or chocolates every now and again or coming to work on a Friday dressed casually. Even taking a holiday doesn’t really work as unless you deal with your workplace stress before you go, you only end up taking it with you.
• Consider how you really feel about the working environment, the way you are being managed or your current workload.
• Ensure that your organisation understands and recognises staff wellbeing and stress in the workplace. The days of ‘just get on with it and pull yourself together’ just don’t work in today’s always on, increasingly demanding working environment.
• Realise the value and benefit of investing time and money in your emotional wellbeing. See it as an investment in the business as you would a new piece of machinery or marketing campaign.
• Put in place a commitment and structure that recognises the value and benefit from regular life coaching sessions that cover stress management, assertiveness, mindfulness and self-esteem.

Recognise the situation? Want to begin to introduce the cure?

Contact us at Irwin Edgehill Training and discuss our range of services and solutions we offer to begin to address work place stress. Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.

Managing student exam stress

What a great day.  We are just back from working with students at Tregonwell Academy in Bournemouth, helping them manage exam stress.

Throughout the day we worked with groups of year 11 students to find the best ways they can prepare for and take their forthcoming mock exams without being stressed. During our workshops we first gave  them an introduction about the root causes of stress and then information on how it can be combated.

The combat came in the form of showing them simple breathing techniques, aided using visual on screen data through the Emwave stress machine which highlights when an individual is in positive coherence or in other words ‘stressless’.

The end result: The students felt more confident and optimistic about taking their exams, giving them a better chance of obtaining the grades they want to achieve.

Thanks to IAG Lead Holly Andrews at Tregonwell Academy for helping to organise the workshops.  We are looking forward to returning again soon.

Do you think your students could benefit from a better understanding of what stress really is? Interested in exploring how we can help your students. Then contact Irwin Edgehill Training via Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.

If you don’t stand for something you are going to fall for anything

This concept is taken from a workshop I recently delivered that focused on boundaries.  One of the attendee’s asked: “Irwin, I am sick and tired of the men I seem to attract in my life and of the subsequent tempestuous relationships that follow.  Why does this keep on happening?” 

My response was: “Do you have a stand, what do you stand for?” Her reaction was as if I’d just spoken in a foreign language, which  unfortunately wasn’t a surprise as this is a response I get from most people. I say unfortunately because of the fact that if more people stood for something in any or all of their relationships be they business, platonic or romantic they would not have to suffer emotionally, mentally and physically as many do. 

The help and advice I gave to the attendee and the rest of the group was that before you embark on another relationship first ask yourself these simple questions: 

  • What am I no longer prepared to put up with in a new relationship? 
  • What type of person do I want to meet and what positive characteristics do I want them to have?  
  • If I am expecting them to be of a certain positive character then am I that  person myself?  
  • Do I need to  work on myself with the right support and knowledge to become the person I want to meet? The reality being that we  assemble with those with whom we resemble? 

The attendee at first had a hard time in believing that she in some way resembled the negative men she attracted. However once we dug deeper she did recognise traits in herself that mirrored the men she met, such as having no boundaries. By focusing on these simple questions and sticking to them no matter what, will save her a huge amount of emotional grief and trauma in her life as well as making her feel positively empowered.    

If you are finding that you are falling for anything because you don’t stand for something then seek some advice and guidance by contacting us at Irwin Edgehill Training. Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921. 

Do you treat your car better than you treat yourself?

As I’m about to take my car for its annual MOT and service, it occurred to me that it’s around this time of year when we all get bombarded with adverts on TV, radio and billboards as well as those overhead signs on motorways.  All of them reminding us to check our cars to ensure they are road worthy for the winter months. Insisting we make sure our batteries and tyres are in good order and the anti-freeze is topped up, so we don’t get caught out and stranded in bad weather.  

It then made me wonder how many adverts advise people to get a regular emotional intelligence check-up, focusing on such areas as stress, anxiety, resilience, confidence, and assertiveness. Reminding us of the importance of emotional intelligence in helping us to not mentally breakdown, particularly important around this time of year when many will struggle.  

So now as I write this blog the questions that keep coming back to me are:  

  • How many people in the Bournemouth area take better care of their car than themselves? 
  • Do they regularly think and say to themselves: I am sick and tired of feeling stressed out, depressed and anxious? I’m fed up of having low self-esteem and lacking in resilience.
  • Do they know how and where to get an emotional intelligence check-up so they can be ready for whatever life challenges they may face? 
  • Do they take action and as a result find themselves happily living on easy street?

So how about you, do you treat your car better than you treat yourself? If you do then now is the time to put yourself first by contacting us at Irwin Edgehill Training for our emotional intelligence check-up. Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.

10 Top Tips on how to stay emotionally intelligent over the Christmas period

  1. Do not try to be happy! This false state of being will just make you feel worse rather than better. Instead try sitting with how you are feeling, don’t do anything to suppress it and you will find the feeling won’t last for long.
  2. Have the courage to say no to those invites where you usually say yes, but make you feel and wish that you hadn’t. By adopting this positively empowering approach you will be in control and feel infinitely better.
  3. See this time of year for the authentic reason it was intended: To reflect on a  year that is coming to an end and to use this period to see the positive things you have achieved.
  4. Stay awake. We firmly believe the reason most people suffer throughout the year and more so over the Christmas period is their inability to be aware of their thoughts and feelings in any given moment. As a result they are at the mercy of all manner of thoughts, the majority of these being negative, which then produce negative actions and results. To prevent this from happening be in control of yourself by being consciously aware of how you are feeling. This will prevent you from over indulging with food, drink or even shopping and experiencing the related negative feelings and emotions. 
  5. Get some fresh air and exercise even if this just means a brisk walk around the block or park.  Cold short days and long dark nights makes us all just want to hide away indoors.  However being outdoors will work wonders for you both emotionally and physically.
  6. If Christmas isn’t a particularly good time of the year for one reason or another then reach out to friends or family. Failing that send Irwin Edgehill Training an email or text and we will gladly lend an ear.  Email info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or text 07842 435921.
  7. Use this time of the year to have a clear-out of all the unwanted stuff that you’ve had for months if not years. By doing so you are creating a space for all the good things you want to come into your life. 
  8. Be mindful of the fact that at this time of the year we spend more time with friends and family than we usually do and in a lot of cases the unresolved issues that are normally suppressed can start to seep out. Be mindful of this and you’ll be able to keep control of your thoughts and yourself.
  9. Use the Christmas holiday period to relax, unwind and recharge.
  10. Just because it’s Christmas doesn’t mean we stop working on ourselves. I remember watching an interview with the decathlon gold medallist Daley Thompson in which he explained that even on Christmas day he was working on himself as he knew his counterparts were most probably having a day off. So if you want to be ahead of the game in 2020 don’t let Christmas get in the way.   

On behalf of us at Irwin Edgehill Training we wish you a happy Christmas and a prosperous 2020.  Why not read some more of our blogs at https://irwinedgehilltraining.com/blog/