If you don’t stand for something you are going to fall for anything

This concept is taken from a workshop I recently delivered that focused on boundaries.  One of the attendee’s asked: “Irwin, I am sick and tired of the men I seem to attract in my life and of the subsequent tempestuous relationships that follow.  Why does this keep on happening?” 

My response was: “Do you have a stand, what do you stand for?” Her reaction was as if I’d just spoken in a foreign language, which  unfortunately wasn’t a surprise as this is a response I get from most people. I say unfortunately because of the fact that if more people stood for something in any or all of their relationships be they business, platonic or romantic they would not have to suffer emotionally, mentally and physically as many do. 

The help and advice I gave to the attendee and the rest of the group was that before you embark on another relationship first ask yourself these simple questions: 

  • What am I no longer prepared to put up with in a new relationship? 
  • What type of person do I want to meet and what positive characteristics do I want them to have?  
  • If I am expecting them to be of a certain positive character then am I that  person myself?  
  • Do I need to  work on myself with the right support and knowledge to become the person I want to meet? The reality being that we  assemble with those with whom we resemble? 

The attendee at first had a hard time in believing that she in some way resembled the negative men she attracted. However once we dug deeper she did recognise traits in herself that mirrored the men she met, such as having no boundaries. By focusing on these simple questions and sticking to them no matter what, will save her a huge amount of emotional grief and trauma in her life as well as making her feel positively empowered.    

If you are finding that you are falling for anything because you don’t stand for something then seek some advice and guidance by contacting us at Irwin Edgehill Training. Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921. 

Why not create a space for the good that you desire?

Have you ever wondered why the things you really want from life are so elusive? Have you tried different tools and techniques in order to get the things you want but are still no further forward?  Have you tried nothing at all, thinking that what you have now is all you are going to get? 

If you have said YES to any of the above then now is the time for you to start creating a space for the ‘good that you desire’. 

I used this simple but extremely powerful concept with a couple that I was recently life coaching. One of their biggest challenges was that their lives were crammed with negative emotions left over  from past experiences and memories that they hadn’t worked through as individuals before they got together. These emotions were now having a huge impact on their mental, emotional and physical well-being. They were also placing a huge strain on their marriage, relationships with the children and their positions at work.

So the first question I asked of them was: ‘What are you both willing to sacrifice in order to live the life you have imagined?’ The reality being that you can’t get the things you desire without discarding an equivalent amount of negative emotions.

Fortunately for them they were both willing to commit to stop visiting ‘the scrap yards’ of their previous lives.  By doing so they created the space for us at Irwin Edgehill Training to provide them with the right support and guidance they needed to begin to focus on their future.

Working on their emotions harder than they worked on anything else gave them the opportunity to begin to live their relationship to its fullest brightest self. All because they were willing to create a space for the good that they desired.

How about you? Are you willing to create a space for the good that you desire in your business, platonic or romantic relations? 

If you are then make your desire a reality by contacting us at Irwin Edgehill Training for the right help and guidance. Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.

Have you got what it takes to live on easy street?

Have you got what it takes to live on easy street?

As an ice breaker in a recent workshop I ran on ‘Relationships’ I asked the participants: “What do you want from life?” Their responses included:

  • I want to be happy
  • I want good mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health
  • I want to be financially independent
  • I want peace of mind
  • I want healthy relationships with my wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend and friends
  • I want a good job
  • I want a nice house with a garden
  • I want to go on nice holidays regularly
  • I want to be free of street drugs and alcohol
  • I want to be able to go 24 hours without worrying about something

I continued: “How many of you have got the burning desire, a plan and the right help to achieve these things?” Unsurprisingly, NO hands went up.  

This was not a surprise to me.  Most people want to ‘live on easy street’; having health, wealth, peace, happiness and good relationships.  Unfortunately, in so many cases they will never get there. Not because they can’t, but crucially they haven’t got the deep burning desire needed to start, aided by the right help and plan. 

How about you? Have you got what is needed to live on easy street? 

Do you  have a burning desire to achieve the changes necessary to live on easy street?  Do you have conviction in your ideas as well as the confidence and assertiveness needed to bring them to fruition? Are you seeking the right help to support you in achieving the life you desire?

If the answer is NO then contact us at Irwin Edgehill Training and let us help you make that desire a reality. Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.

Stay away from the scrap yard

Take a moment to think of your car or if you like the car you’ve always wanted to own. Remember all the places you have travelled or visualise the trips you would like to make. Think about the fun it has provided and the fond memories created. Brings a smile to the face doesn’t it.

Imagine you are out for a leisurely drive. Feels great but then disaster, someone crashes into you and your car is written off. How would you feel? Gutted I bet.

So how would you respond? Would you get out of bed at 3 in the morning and walk, now you haven’t got a car or get a taxi all the way to the scrap yard where your crumpled car is laying in a heap? Would you peer over the fence just to have a look and either get angry at the thought of what happened to it, or sad and depressed because it’s no longer in your life?

Would you do this over and over again for year after year? I’m pretty confident that the answer would be ‘NO’.

So why do the equivalent when there is a break up in a relationship?

Well that’s what the majority of people do whenever there’s a break up of some sort in their relationships be it business, platonic or romantic. My question to a group of men and women that I passed on this concept to whilst delivering a workshop on ‘Comfort zones and the benefits of stretching out of it’ was: How many of you are still haunted by experiences and memories from the past because you continually visit the ‘Scrap yard’? No surprise every hand in the room went up in agreement.

If you are finding it difficult to overcome a crash from a past relationship of any kind, then remember that unless it’s dealt with in the right way you’ll continue to suffer from it not only mentally and emotionally but physically too. You have to learn that there is absolutely no value in letting this situation continue as well as understand the tactics and strategies that can be put in place to help you overcome this personal challenge.

Interested? Want to find out more about the Scrap yard concept and how to deal with it?

Contact us at Irwin Edgehill Training and discuss our range of services and solutions we offer that focus on enabling individuals deal with and move on from relationships that have broken down . Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.