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Irwin Edgehill Training

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Category: relationship breakdowns

Roses are red, violets are blue, so how did I end up with someone like you?

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It’s that time of the year when we are meant to be our best selves to the person we are supposed to love. A time when TV and radio adverts, the supermarkets and social media are all encouraging us to spend big on treating our loved ones to something special for Valentine’s Day.

Before you read any further, let me say this blog is not written with any form of resentfulness or bitterness. On the contrary, it is written in spiritual awareness, where I passionately believe if people had this type of awareness, they wouldn’t get seduced, as they do at this point every year, into spending money for the wrong reasons.

I say for the wrong reasons because the other person in most cases, only ever mechanically gives, to get back, or as I have mentioned they take their cues from a media point of view and not from their authentic self.

My question to you is this: How is it possible for a couple to be authentically their best selves when they do no emotional inner work to become their best authentic selves? And if they are not doing any emotional inner work, do you think they have the capacity to be an authentic valentine 365 days a year let alone for just one day?

This is why couples spend most of their time at each other’s throats be that verbally, psychologically, or unfortunately physically. Which in many cases has its root cause in both, or at least one of them not doing any emotional inner work on themselves. Yet they will still be buying each other valentine gifts and calling that love. 

If you are fed up with silently or openly saying to yourself: How did I end up with him or her? You are now aware of the fundamental reason and can now start to do something about it. 

With the help of Irwin Edgehill training, let us help you to become a true valentine every day of the year. Call 07842 435921 or send a message to info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk

Are you really my valentine? 

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It’s that time of the year when we are meant to be our best selves to the person we are supposed to love. A time when TV and radio adverts, the supermarkets and social media are all encouraging us to spend big on treating our loved ones to something special for Valentine’s Day.

Before you read any further, let me say this blog is not written with any form of resentfulness or bitterness. On the contrary, it is written in spiritual awareness, where I passionately believe if people had this type of awareness, they wouldn’t get seduced, as they do at this point every year, into spending money for the wrong reasons.

I say for the wrong reasons because the other person in most cases, only ever mechanically gives, to get back, or as I have mentioned they take their cues from a media point of view and not from their authentic self.

My question to you is this: How is it possible for a couple to be authentically their best selves when they do no emotional inner work to become their best authentic selves? And if they are not doing any emotional inner work, do you think they have the capacity to be an authentic valentine 365 days a year let alone for just one day?

This is why couples spend most of their time at each other’s throats be that verbally, psychologically, or unfortunately physically. Which in many cases has its root cause in both, or at least one of them not doing any emotional inner work on themselves. Yet they will still be buying each other valentine gifts and calling that love. 

If you are fed up with silently or openly saying to yourself: How did I end up with him or her? You are now aware of the fundamental reason and can now start to do something about it. 

With the help of Irwin Edgehill training, let us help you to become a true valentine every day of the year. Call 07842 435921 or send a message to info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk

Let me pile all my issues on you and let’s call it love.

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This title was taken from a relationship coaching session that I provided recently to a local couple.

One of the main issues they were facing was that one of them thought that now they were together it gave them carte blanche to pile all their issues on to the other person and call it love. Seriously damaging their chances of having an authentic, un-conditional loving relationship. 

This made me think and reflect on my past relationships, with the shocking realisation that I too had experienced the same thing. But it did enable me to offer an authentic real-life solution to their miserable situation.

The fundamental reason why, in my opinion, so many couples experience similar painful and unnecessary problems is because they do not work on their issues, just as I never used to do. As a result, they go into a relationship wearing a false mask of sanity and emotional control, when in reality they are anything but. 

The reason I used to wear my false mask was because I thought the other person wouldn’t like me if I told them my truth. Not realising starting a relationship with a lie will always end badly because a relationship founded on any negativity will never be able to withstand life’s natural storms.  

My solution to them which I am now offering to you:

Don’t be accepting of this type of relationship. If you are currently in a relationship like this, it exists because firstly and fore-mostly you are accepting of it. If you didn’t accept it, you wouldn’t be involved in it. You would recognise that it will only get worse and in turn will make you feel depressed and resentful. 

Work on yourself harder than anything else. Not adhering to one of the golden rules as previously posted about is a huge mistake.  Whatever emotional or mental issues you may have, it’s wise to get some help and guidance to work on them before you enter into another relationship. Or if you find yourself going into a relationship whilst you are working on your issues. Have the courage to let the other person know you are as this will save a lot of resentment and mistrust going forward. 

This may all sound like basic advice but alas it’s this type of advice that many people are not aware of, or they never act upon it.

Get in touch

If you are currently in a relationship where the other person is piling all their issues on to you and calling it love, give Irwin Edgehill Training a call on 07842 435291 or send us a message to info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk Let us help you make this a thing of the past.

Are you ready for your High Noon?

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Have you ever seen the film ‘High Noon’ Starring Gary Cooper and Grace Kelly?

In High Noon the former marshal Will Kane (Gary Cooper) is preparing to leave the small town of Hadleyville, New Mexico, with his new bride, Amy (Grace Kelly), when he learns that local criminal Frank Miller has been set free and is coming to seek revenge on the marshal who turned him in. When he starts recruiting deputies to fight Miller, Kane is discouraged to find that the people of Hadleyville turn cowardly when the time comes for a showdown, and he must face Miller and his cronies alone.

Put yourself in Will Kane’s place. Everyone around him with whom he thought he could depend and rely on deserted him.  His deputies all gave feeble excuses as to why they couldn’t help. Even his own wife threatened to leave him if he didn’t run and hide like the others in the next town for fear of Frank Miller and his gang.  Just try to think of all the emotions that must have been going through his entire body:

  • Fear for his own life
  • Frustration at his deputies and friends lack of belief and trust in him
  • Sadness that his wife was ready to turn her back on him and the lack of belief she had in him

All of this must have set off a mass of confusion and self doubt within himself.  Was he doing the right thing of staying to face Miller as the clock ticks towards noon when the train is due in?

Now put this scenario into the context of your own life:​

  • Are you willing to keep walking forward on your own even when others doubt you?  
  • Are you willing to stand alone for what you believe in even when others don’t appear to believe in you or what you are trying to achieve? 
  • Have you got the mental and emotional strength, burning desire and persistence needed in order to stay true to your own convictions?

When it comes to your ‘High Noon’ you too will most likely have to go it alone at some point on your journey.  If you really want to live the life you imagine then you’ll need to deal with the doubt of those you thought would stand with you.  You may also need to overcome your own self doubt, stress, anxiety, depression and lack of confidence.

Are you prepared for that?  Do you have the right help in place? If not contact Irwin Edgehill Training and let us stand with you all the way on your own ‘High Noon’.  Contact us via Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.

If you don’t stand for something you are going to fall for anything

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This concept is taken from a workshop I recently delivered that focused on boundaries.  One of the attendee’s asked: “Irwin, I am sick and tired of the men I seem to attract in my life and of the subsequent tempestuous relationships that follow.  Why does this keep on happening?” 

My response was: “Do you have a stand, what do you stand for?” Her reaction was as if I’d just spoken in a foreign language, which  unfortunately wasn’t a surprise as this is a response I get from most people. I say unfortunately because of the fact that if more people stood for something in any or all of their relationships be they business, platonic or romantic they would not have to suffer emotionally, mentally and physically as many do. 

The help and advice I gave to the attendee and the rest of the group was that before you embark on another relationship first ask yourself these simple questions: 

  • What am I no longer prepared to put up with in a new relationship? 
  • What type of person do I want to meet and what positive characteristics do I want them to have?  
  • If I am expecting them to be of a certain positive character then am I that  person myself?  
  • Do I need to  work on myself with the right support and knowledge to become the person I want to meet? The reality being that we  assemble with those with whom we resemble? 

The attendee at first had a hard time in believing that she in some way resembled the negative men she attracted. However once we dug deeper she did recognise traits in herself that mirrored the men she met, such as having no boundaries. By focusing on these simple questions and sticking to them no matter what, will save her a huge amount of emotional grief and trauma in her life as well as making her feel positively empowered.    

If you are finding that you are falling for anything because you don’t stand for something then seek some advice and guidance by contacting us at Irwin Edgehill Training. Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921. 

Why not create a space for the good that you desire?

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Have you ever wondered why the things you really want from life are so elusive? Have you tried different tools and techniques in order to get the things you want but are still no further forward?  Have you tried nothing at all, thinking that what you have now is all you are going to get? 

If you have said YES to any of the above then now is the time for you to start creating a space for the ‘good that you desire’. 

I used this simple but extremely powerful concept with a couple that I was recently life coaching. One of their biggest challenges was that their lives were crammed with negative emotions left over  from past experiences and memories that they hadn’t worked through as individuals before they got together. These emotions were now having a huge impact on their mental, emotional and physical well-being. They were also placing a huge strain on their marriage, relationships with the children and their positions at work.

So the first question I asked of them was: ‘What are you both willing to sacrifice in order to live the life you have imagined?’ The reality being that you can’t get the things you desire without discarding an equivalent amount of negative emotions.

Fortunately for them they were both willing to commit to stop visiting ‘the scrap yards’ of their previous lives.  By doing so they created the space for us at Irwin Edgehill Training to provide them with the right support and guidance they needed to begin to focus on their future.

Working on their emotions harder than they worked on anything else gave them the opportunity to begin to live their relationship to its fullest brightest self. All because they were willing to create a space for the good that they desired.

How about you? Are you willing to create a space for the good that you desire in your business, platonic or romantic relations? 

If you are then make your desire a reality by contacting us at Irwin Edgehill Training for the right help and guidance. Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.

Have you got what it takes to live on easy street?

Have you got what it takes to live on easy street?

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As an ice breaker in a recent workshop I ran on ‘Relationships’ I asked the participants: “What do you want from life?” Their responses included:

  • I want to be happy
  • I want good mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health
  • I want to be financially independent
  • I want peace of mind
  • I want healthy relationships with my wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend and friends
  • I want a good job
  • I want a nice house with a garden
  • I want to go on nice holidays regularly
  • I want to be free of street drugs and alcohol
  • I want to be able to go 24 hours without worrying about something

I continued: “How many of you have got the burning desire, a plan and the right help to achieve these things?” Unsurprisingly, NO hands went up.  

This was not a surprise to me.  Most people want to ‘live on easy street’; having health, wealth, peace, happiness and good relationships.  Unfortunately, in so many cases they will never get there. Not because they can’t, but crucially they haven’t got the deep burning desire needed to start, aided by the right help and plan. 

How about you? Have you got what is needed to live on easy street? 

Do you  have a burning desire to achieve the changes necessary to live on easy street?  Do you have conviction in your ideas as well as the confidence and assertiveness needed to bring them to fruition? Are you seeking the right help to support you in achieving the life you desire?

If the answer is NO then contact us at Irwin Edgehill Training and let us help you make that desire a reality. Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.

Stay away from the scrap yard

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Take a moment to think of your car or if you like the car you’ve always wanted to own. Remember all the places you have travelled or visualise the trips you would like to make. Think about the fun it has provided and the fond memories created. Brings a smile to the face doesn’t it.

Imagine you are out for a leisurely drive. Feels great but then disaster, someone crashes into you and your car is written off. How would you feel? Gutted I bet.

So how would you respond? Would you get out of bed at 3 in the morning and walk, now you haven’t got a car or get a taxi all the way to the scrap yard where your crumpled car is laying in a heap? Would you peer over the fence just to have a look and either get angry at the thought of what happened to it, or sad and depressed because it’s no longer in your life?

Would you do this over and over again for year after year? I’m pretty confident that the answer would be ‘NO’.

So why do the equivalent when there is a break up in a relationship?

Well that’s what the majority of people do whenever there’s a break up of some sort in their relationships be it business, platonic or romantic. My question to a group of men and women that I passed on this concept to whilst delivering a workshop on ‘Comfort zones and the benefits of stretching out of it’ was: How many of you are still haunted by experiences and memories from the past because you continually visit the ‘Scrap yard’? No surprise every hand in the room went up in agreement.

If you are finding it difficult to overcome a crash from a past relationship of any kind, then remember that unless it’s dealt with in the right way you’ll continue to suffer from it not only mentally and emotionally but physically too. You have to learn that there is absolutely no value in letting this situation continue as well as understand the tactics and strategies that can be put in place to help you overcome this personal challenge.

Interested? Want to find out more about the Scrap yard concept and how to deal with it?

Contact us at Irwin Edgehill Training and discuss our range of services and solutions we offer that focus on enabling individuals deal with and move on from relationships that have broken down . Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.