Are you really my valentine? 

Roses are red, violets are blue, so how did I end up with someone like you?

It’s that time of the year when we are meant to be our best selves to the person we are supposed to love. A time when TV and radio adverts, the supermarkets and social media are all encouraging us to spend big on treating our loved ones to something special for Valentine’s Day.

Before you read any further, let me say this blog is not written with any form of resentfulness or bitterness. On the contrary, it is written in spiritual awareness, where I passionately believe if people had this type of awareness, they wouldn’t get seduced, as they do at this point every year, into spending money for the wrong reasons.

I say for the wrong reasons because the other person in most cases, only ever mechanically gives, to get back, or as I have mentioned they take their cues from a media point of view and not from their authentic self.

My question to you is this: How is it possible for a couple to be authentically their best selves when they do no emotional inner work to become their best authentic selves? And if they are not doing any emotional inner work, do you think they have the capacity to be an authentic valentine 365 days a year let alone for just one day?

This is why couples spend most of their time at each other’s throats be that verbally, psychologically, or unfortunately physically. Which in many cases has its root cause in both, or at least one of them not doing any emotional inner work on themselves. Yet they will still be buying each other valentine gifts and calling that love. 

If you are fed up with silently or openly saying to yourself: How did I end up with him or her? You are now aware of the fundamental reason and can now start to do something about it. 

With the help of Irwin Edgehill training, let us help you to become a true valentine every day of the year. Call 07842 435291 or send a message to info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk

Is sending everyone to the Psychiatrist the right approach? 

Do you believe other people are entirely responsible for all your continued issues? Are you going to have to book them all in to see a psychiatrist for you to get better?

Unfortunately, many people do believe this to be the case. But ask yourself honestly, do you feel any better emotionally or spiritually thinking this? What are your relationships like, as a result, are they harmonious ones?

I’m guessing if you are truly honest with yourself then the answer is more than likely going to be a resounding NO. This is brilliant news for you and your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing. It’s also just as important for your nearest and dearest. They too will feel infinitely better knowing that you are finally getting on the road to recovery by positively changing the way you are thinking about your issues.

Why brilliant news?
I say brilliant news because of the fact you can now put yourself in the position of working through the pounding persistence of these issues, some of them being deep seated views. 

Get the right help!
By getting the help of an organically competent therapist. They will help to positively guide you out of the emotional swamp that these constant, painful, thoughts and feelings have put you in. And eventually they will help you make those issues either vanish or become a lot lighter than they are now. 

Without doubt, we have all been wronged or negatively misguided in the past or present, some of us more harshly than others. My point is we have already emotionally paid for this, we don’t have to keep continually paying for it day after day, month after month, and year after year. What we need to do is first try to recognise the fact that there is no positive value in thinking that everyone else is responsible for how we continue to feel, and as a result act.

Get in touch
So why not free yourself from the pounding persistence of your issues and contact Irwin Edgehill Training for a far cheaper and more effective option than sending everyone to the psychiatrist in order to make you feel better. Call 07842 435291 or send a message to info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk Let us help you make this a thing of the past.

Let me pile all my issues on you and let’s call it love.

This title was taken from a relationship coaching session that I provided recently to a local couple.

One of the main issues they were facing was that one of them thought that now they were together it gave them carte blanche to pile all their issues on to the other person and call it love. Seriously damaging their chances of having an authentic, un-conditional loving relationship. 

This made me think and reflect on my past relationships, with the shocking realisation that I too had experienced the same thing. But it did enable me to offer an authentic real-life solution to their miserable situation.

The fundamental reason why, in my opinion, so many couples experience similar painful and unnecessary problems is because they do not work on their issues, just as I never used to do. As a result, they go into a relationship wearing a false mask of sanity and emotional control, when in reality they are anything but. 

The reason I used to wear my false mask was because I thought the other person wouldn’t like me if I told them my truth. Not realising starting a relationship with a lie will always end badly because a relationship founded on any negativity will never be able to withstand life’s natural storms.  

My solution to them which I am now offering to you:

Don’t be accepting of this type of relationship. If you are currently in a relationship like this, it exists because firstly and fore-mostly you are accepting of it. If you didn’t accept it, you wouldn’t be involved in it. You would recognise that it will only get worse and in turn will make you feel depressed and resentful. 

Work on yourself harder than anything else. Not adhering to one of the golden rules as previously posted about is a huge mistake.  Whatever emotional or mental issues you may have, it’s wise to get some help and guidance to work on them before you enter into another relationship. Or if you find yourself going into a relationship whilst you are working on your issues. Have the courage to let the other person know you are as this will save a lot of resentment and mistrust going forward. 

This may all sound like basic advice but alas it’s this type of advice that many people are not aware of, or they never act upon it.

Get in touch

If you are currently in a relationship where the other person is piling all their issues on to you and calling it love, give Irwin Edgehill Training a call on 07842 435291 or send us a message to info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk Let us help you make this a thing of the past.

Are you a victim of your own delusions?

This question came up in a personal development meeting I attended recently. It resonated with me so much that I spent some time pondering on it.

I then came to the realisation that my former years were spent in painful delusion, only later understanding through working on myself with the right help and guidance, that this was causing me problems in all aspects of my own life.

For example, I always I thought that I was better than I actually was. When results didn’t go my way I would become sullen, sad and depressed. Not knowing that I was the reason for my failings. In truth I was a victim of my own delusions. 

Are you a victim of your own delusions?

So my question to you is: If life isn’t giving you what you want or need, and as a result you feel emotionally defeated more often than not, then are you a victim of your own delusions?

From my own experience, if you are courageous enough to look at your life from this perspective. Overcome the positive awakening shock of it, then things will start to transform for the better for you as it did and continues to do for me.

Act on the right information to improve yourself

I was always told by my mentor the more we can look at ourselves, warts and all. Act on the right information given in order to improve ourselves internally and as a result transform our external circumstances, then and only then will our lives move from delusion to clarity.

Get in touch

If you think you might well be a victim of your own delusions then why not find the courage to contact Irwin Edgehill Training. Let us help and guide you out of self delusion and into a better way to live your life. Contact us via Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.

Don’t answer the Knock of Neurosis

Have you ever experienced a state where everything seems to be going right in your life, then suddenly you feel yourself swinging into depression, anxiety or stress? Have you tried dealing with it by suppressing it with drugs, alcohol, wrong sex or food? And found this made it worse in the long term?

In my experience, from the many people I have helped to ignore the knock of neurosis and as a result beat it. The feelings of depression, anxiety or stress only get worse until they accept and act on the phenomenal concept of ‘doing nothing about any problem’.

Now please go real slow with this. And be aware I’m not talking about solving everyday problems such as getting your car fixed or tending to a leaking roof. This is on a higher level than that. What we are talking about is coping with our inner level of being, how we feel within ourselves. And doing NOTHING being the cure.

Think of your feelings
Take a moment and think of your feelings. Most people think that their feelings are who they are. This simply isn’t the case. The majority of people I’ve worked with live their lives like a pendulum. Swaying between happiness to sadness, peace to anger, from calm and collected to being anxious and nervous. And in most cases these states never stay long. Which is proof that they are not part of us. If they were, those states wouldn’t come and go as they do. They would just stay with us as a constant, forever.

Deal with your emotions the right way
If you have the courage to be watchful of this, you will see it for yourself. The problem is most people don’t deal with their emotions in the right way. This then perpetuates the negatives of thinking that their feelings are actually who they are.

So if you are now at a stage in your life were you feel emotionally defeated, the good news is you are now putting yourself on the path of authentic inner transformation. Stopping yourself answering the knock of neurosis. Are you willing to give this fantastic organic alternative a try?

Don’t answer the Knock of Neurosis with things that have failed you in the past
In a recent workshop this concept was put to the participants in the way I am now conveying it to you. The next time a feeling of depression, stress or anxiety comes along, try just sitting with that feeling in that moment for as long as you can. Don’t answer it with any of the things that you have tried and have failed you in the past.

In order for this to be a success, which believe me it will. You will need courage, a burning desire, Will, and a sense of conscious vulnerability. What I mean by this is to admit to yourself that you can’t and never will be able to solve this problem on the level you currently operate on. Albert Einstein was quoted as saying: ‘It’s impossible to solve any problem with the level of awareness that created it in the first place.’ And this in our opinion is the fundamental reason why the majority of people suffer from answering the knock of neurosis for longer than they need do.

All you need to do now is contact us at Irwin Edgehill Training. Let us help you to NOT answer the knock of neurosis ever again. Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.

DO YOU KNOW YOUR VALUE?

‘My Wage’ – J.B Rittenhouse (1869-1948)

I bargained with life for a penny, and life would pay no more, However I begged at evening when I counted my scantly store.

For life was a just employer, he gives you what you ask. But once you have set the wages, why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menials hire, only to learn, dismayed, that any wage I had of life. Life would of willing paid.

That is my favourite poem primarily because it can be applied to any aspect of a person’s life. Not just in the form of wages, but equally as important, the value of a person’s mental and physical health, inner peace, happiness and quality relationships.

What wage are you settling for?
My question to you is: What wage are you setting and settling for in your own life? Are you aware of the simple but powerful adage that we get what we ask for? Unfortunately, most of the people I help at first have a hard time in believing that the way they are living is directly related to what they are continually asking for. Which for many comes in the form of negative self-talks and negative beliefs they have of themselves. This is also true of people who are legitimately successful. But their self-talk is the opposite. It’s a lot more positive and empowering plus crucially they are also getting the right help to guide them to that better ‘wage’.

If you are beginning to realise that the employer called life is constantly giving you what you DON’T want then NOW is the time to take the steps to change. Contact Irwin Edgehill training via Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921. Let us help you ‘bargain’ for the life you really want.

Are you asleep dreaming that you are awake

Are you asleep dreaming that you are awake?

Are you asleep dreaming that you are awake? Confused? Well this was a question I asked at one of my recent Life Coaching workshops.  It’s fair to say most of the group looked rather perplexed at first.  But soon they all grasped its true meaning. Unfortunately the only time you can realise you were asleep, dreaming that you are awake, is whenever there is a regret of some kind.

As I look back on my own past mistakes to help make this point. Not in resentment, frustration, anger or bitterness, but in awareness. I have to say those mistakes were made whilst I was asleep dreaming that I was awake.  For example have you ever:

  • Been in a relationship. Be it business, platonic or romantic and when it came to an end reflected on why you got in involved with that person or situation in the first place?
  •  Angrily or sarcastically belittled someone only to regret it later?
  • Joined a group or signed up for a course that never gave you what it promised?
  • Been on holiday thinking that it would relieve your stress and anxiety but it didn’t?
  • Left a job thinking that the job and the people were the problem. Only to find another job and find the same problem….you?   

Stay consciously awake

If we want to make decisions be it in a business, platonic, health or romantic situation. Want the best outcomes from those decisions. We have to understand the concept of staying consciously awake to our thoughts and feelings in any given moment. And then do the right thing as a result.

Work on your emotions

The key is to work on your emotions harder than you work on anything else.  You’ll then be in total  control of everything. Your stresses and anxieties will be a thing of the past.  How’s that for a cheery thought?  

If you are finding it difficult to stay emotionally awake. As a result feeling stressed and depressed more and more often, then contact Irwin Edgehill training via Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.  Let us help.

Are you being assertive in the right way?

Another empowering workshop completed.  This time we were sharing the incredible benefits of being assertive in the right way. In this session we gave attendees tools and techniques to enhance their assertiveness.  Using ‘I’ in statements along with naming their feelings in a given situation, be it negative or positive.

Using ‘I’ not ‘You’ when starting sentences

By starting your sentence with I feel sad, I feel glad, I feel irritated etc puts the onus on you as these are your feelings not the person you are talking to.  You’re not backing the other person into a corner as is often the case when we start our sentence with ‘you’ make me sad etc. Followed by describing the other persons behaviour to them and what you would like them to do.

One of the many examples we worked on was: I feel really irritated when we set a rota to take it in turns to do the dishes. But when it’s your turn you don’t do it. And I’d like you to do your agreed share. The key then is to remain quiet and wait for the other person’s response as they have a right to reply.

Listening and acknowledge others

If the other person starts their sentence with a ‘yes but no but’ which is often the case, you simply need to listen and acknowledge them. Then repeat exactly what you initially said. This is called the Broken Record Technique, another crucial tool for assertiveness.

Eliminating potential arguments

By using ‘I’ statements we eventually if not instantly eliminate any potential argument. Reducing any need to get stressed, irritated and depressed as is often the case when not being listened to.

Interested in attending some of our other workshops? Then contact Irwin Edgehill Training to find out more via Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.

Where there is NO WILL, there will be NO WIN!

Fed up in your job and looking to do something different?  Got that big business idea which you want to turn into reality? Have you already  started out on your own but it’s not quite working out? Do you have the WILL to WIN?

WILL you do the things today that WILL get your career or your business where you want to be tomorrow, next month, next year and the years’ after that? Have you got the right help in place to ensure you get there?  Unfortunately, if you haven’t got the WILL you will never WIN. You will never achieve the things you want to achieve. 

Sadly, many people use WILL the wrong way which is the main reason they don’t and won’t WIN any of the above.  This makes them feel depressed, stressed, anxious and lacking in confidence. I say ‘sadly’ because in my own experience of working on myself and in turn helping others to do the same, it doesn’t have to be this way.  If you use WILL in the way it is intended, you WILL positively win.

If you are currently saying to yourself any of the following, then STOP!

  • I WILL never get that dream job
  • I WILL never get that promotion
  • I WILL never launch my business
  • I WILL never get any clients
  • I WILL never make my business a success

So, all you need is WILL!  The question is how can you get it?  Who can you call on to get the help and support you need? Well look no further than Irwin Edgehill Training. Let us help you WILL yourself to success.  Contact us via Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921 to begin the journey.

Are you ready for your High Noon?

Have you ever seen the film ‘High Noon’ Starring Gary Cooper and Grace Kelly?

In High Noon the former marshal Will Kane (Gary Cooper) is preparing to leave the small town of Hadleyville, New Mexico, with his new bride, Amy (Grace Kelly), when he learns that local criminal Frank Miller has been set free and is coming to seek revenge on the marshal who turned him in. When he starts recruiting deputies to fight Miller, Kane is discouraged to find that the people of Hadleyville turn cowardly when the time comes for a showdown, and he must face Miller and his cronies alone.

Put yourself in Will Kane’s place. Everyone around him with whom he thought he could depend and rely on deserted him.  His deputies all gave feeble excuses as to why they couldn’t help. Even his own wife threatened to leave him if he didn’t run and hide like the others in the next town for fear of Frank Miller and his gang.  Just try to think of all the emotions that must have been going through his entire body:

  • Fear for his own life
  • Frustration at his deputies and friends lack of belief and trust in him
  • Sadness that his wife was ready to turn her back on him and the lack of belief she had in him

All of this must have set off a mass of confusion and self doubt within himself.  Was he doing the right thing of staying to face Miller as the clock ticks towards noon when the train is due in?

Now put this scenario into the context of your own life:​

  • Are you willing to keep walking forward on your own even when others doubt you?  
  • Are you willing to stand alone for what you believe in even when others don’t appear to believe in you or what you are trying to achieve? 
  • Have you got the mental and emotional strength, burning desire and persistence needed in order to stay true to your own convictions?

When it comes to your ‘High Noon’ you too will most likely have to go it alone at some point on your journey.  If you really want to live the life you imagine then you’ll need to deal with the doubt of those you thought would stand with you.  You may also need to overcome your own self doubt, stress, anxiety, depression and lack of confidence.

Are you prepared for that?  Do you have the right help in place? If not contact Irwin Edgehill Training and let us stand with you all the way on your own ‘High Noon’.  Contact us via Email: info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk or call 07842 435921.