Let me pile all my issues on you and let’s call it love.

This title was taken from a relationship coaching session that I provided recently to a local couple.

One of the main issues they were facing was that one of them thought that now they were together it gave them carte blanche to pile all their issues on to the other person and call it love. Seriously damaging their chances of having an authentic, un-conditional loving relationship. 

This made me think and reflect on my past relationships, with the shocking realisation that I too had experienced the same thing. But it did enable me to offer an authentic real-life solution to their miserable situation.

The fundamental reason why, in my opinion, so many couples experience similar painful and unnecessary problems is because they do not work on their issues, just as I never used to do. As a result, they go into a relationship wearing a false mask of sanity and emotional control, when in reality they are anything but. 

The reason I used to wear my false mask was because I thought the other person wouldn’t like me if I told them my truth. Not realising starting a relationship with a lie will always end badly because a relationship founded on any negativity will never be able to withstand life’s natural storms.  

My solution to them which I am now offering to you:

Don’t be accepting of this type of relationship. If you are currently in a relationship like this, it exists because firstly and fore-mostly you are accepting of it. If you didn’t accept it, you wouldn’t be involved in it. You would recognise that it will only get worse and in turn will make you feel depressed and resentful. 

Work on yourself harder than anything else. Not adhering to one of the golden rules as previously posted about is a huge mistake.  Whatever emotional or mental issues you may have, it’s wise to get some help and guidance to work on them before you enter into another relationship. Or if you find yourself going into a relationship whilst you are working on your issues. Have the courage to let the other person know you are as this will save a lot of resentment and mistrust going forward. 

This may all sound like basic advice but alas it’s this type of advice that many people are not aware of, or they never act upon it.

Get in touch

If you are currently in a relationship where the other person is piling all their issues on to you and calling it love, give Irwin Edgehill Training a call on 07842 435291 or send us a message to info@irwinedgehilltraining.co.uk Let us help you make this a thing of the past.

9 comments

  1. Who has embraced a new relationship without baggage? No one said everyone. Stop! Before embarking on that new relationship ask yourself are you going into it with a clear head and heart? If you answer no, then seek support to work through these issues so they don’t cloud your future. Irwin is a wealth of knowledge and support to help you understand and work on yourself so you can leave your baggage behind and create a clearer future. We have all been here and wondered why behaviours keep repeating themselves. Address things now, its never to late.

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    1. Very good points Hazel, and you are so right it never is too late to address things. It’s a wonderful thought to think that one day these questions will be asked in the classroom, then future generations of children will grow up operating rightly in their romantic relationships.

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      1. Sorry Irwin, its Dave from Ignite, not quite as random a post as it might seem. Hope you’re doing well!

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  2. Your blogs are always a breath of fresh air and make so much sense! Definitely agree about working on ourselves. A big challenge is finding new ways to do the work when the old ways no longer serve us 🙂

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    1. You are spot on! The big challenge is finding new ways to do the work when the old ways no longer serve us. To get to be aware of the point you make is phenomenal progress in your own journey, because awareness of the wrong makes room for the right and as a result the new ways will be revealed to us sooner rather than later 😊

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